Kino Runner: Those Ratings Explained
Though a wide range of heavyweight film critics may like to pretend otherwise, i.e. that there's a scientific system behind their rankings, we should all have confidence in our gut reactions...in other words, something either works for you or doesn't. The validity of your view to a first-time reader therefore rests on whether you can explain your point both succinctly and convincingly enough, and the latter part of this is highly reliant on those same skills you probably always hated hearing at school - being able to reference your comparisons and back up whatever you come up with. This is no tutorial, just a bleat of frustration at how, because of the nature of the medium, every idiot from the age of 12 on the webby thing is accorded equal voice and will get to skew ratings on the bigger film sites like imdb, and which means those sites cannot be trusted.
I'd like you to believe that my ratings have flexibility built in to a degree: however, as stated, you can't keep subjectivity out. In the end, Mozart is no less valuable than Beethoven. I just don't like Mozart.
10 - this, for me, is a masterpiece, and needs to be in a time capsule for the year 3009. If you don't at least acknowledge the merits of this, you are sub-human. Example: Once upon a Time in the West
9 - so close, but I might have felt the weight of critique and actually taken some on board. A lot of the 'difficult' classics that cinema has ever produced belong here. Example: 400 Blows
8 - you can't really go wrong here. At worst, you'll think it was just enjoyable. Example:Terminator
7 - the repository of films that some of you may think are the best ever, others will be indifferent to. Example: 8 1/2
6 - this is where the last films worth watching live. Too many flaws, but still enough quality forces its way through that it will leave you with an ambiguous reaction. Example: Akira Kurosawa's Dreams
5 - you shouldn't really be watching this any more, but you'll be forgiven for having gone with an actor or director. It'll have merits, but those will be outweighed by any random combination of messes. Example: Strange Days
4 - you have now got out the wrong DVD. There'll be John Hurt or someone similar there to reassure you it'll be ok. It won't be. Example: Southland Tales
3 - you are now in the land of the damned. It will be both boring and frustrating, which, I suppose, in a film Olympics ought to be recognised as a separate event in itself. Example:Franklyn
2 - this will be just be unbearable shit. Do need to provide an example that at least some demographic will think is brilliant? Ok: The Goonies
1 - oh good, the lowest of the low. I have a sincere belief that you can skip over marks 2-5 and just dip into the 1s when you really need to remind yourself of how low a form of high art can go (think William McGonagall). I think I've only ever seen one entrant for this accolade: Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.
That gave me anxiety attacks for weeks afterwards. It's actually a real feat to see everything go wrong.
And no, you can't give zeroes.
I'd like you to believe that my ratings have flexibility built in to a degree: however, as stated, you can't keep subjectivity out. In the end, Mozart is no less valuable than Beethoven. I just don't like Mozart.
10 - this, for me, is a masterpiece, and needs to be in a time capsule for the year 3009. If you don't at least acknowledge the merits of this, you are sub-human. Example: Once upon a Time in the West
9 - so close, but I might have felt the weight of critique and actually taken some on board. A lot of the 'difficult' classics that cinema has ever produced belong here. Example: 400 Blows
8 - you can't really go wrong here. At worst, you'll think it was just enjoyable. Example:Terminator
7 - the repository of films that some of you may think are the best ever, others will be indifferent to. Example: 8 1/2
6 - this is where the last films worth watching live. Too many flaws, but still enough quality forces its way through that it will leave you with an ambiguous reaction. Example: Akira Kurosawa's Dreams
5 - you shouldn't really be watching this any more, but you'll be forgiven for having gone with an actor or director. It'll have merits, but those will be outweighed by any random combination of messes. Example: Strange Days
4 - you have now got out the wrong DVD. There'll be John Hurt or someone similar there to reassure you it'll be ok. It won't be. Example: Southland Tales
3 - you are now in the land of the damned. It will be both boring and frustrating, which, I suppose, in a film Olympics ought to be recognised as a separate event in itself. Example:Franklyn
2 - this will be just be unbearable shit. Do need to provide an example that at least some demographic will think is brilliant? Ok: The Goonies
1 - oh good, the lowest of the low. I have a sincere belief that you can skip over marks 2-5 and just dip into the 1s when you really need to remind yourself of how low a form of high art can go (think William McGonagall). I think I've only ever seen one entrant for this accolade: Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.
That gave me anxiety attacks for weeks afterwards. It's actually a real feat to see everything go wrong.
And no, you can't give zeroes.
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